I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Keep on livingSo lately, I have been struggling with a lot of things like stress and being overwhelmed and being sick. I have been trying for so long to pretend that everything is fine, when in reality, it isn’t. When I got diagnosed with cancer, I was so determined to remain positive and to not be a victim, that I didn’t give myself the time to truly deal with how I was feeling and now it is all hitting at once and I am overwhelmed. I find myself bursting into tears or being prone to violent mood swings at the drop of a hat at the oddest points in time. I have been a terror to live with, but my boyfriend has been a trooper to put up with me. I know he gets me and what I am going through, however that doesn’t keep me from feeling bad for constantly dumping on him all the time.

So I have been trying to find things to keep me busy, happy and relaxed. One of my favorite go-tos for relaxation is music. I love all different kinds of music from country to pop to punk to old school rock and roll. But when I was listening to IHeart Radio the other day, I was reintroduced to a band that I hadn’t heard since high school. And oddly enough, in high school, this band and their music had gotten me through some really tough times. Seems pretty serendipitous that they would show up again when I need them most. Oh, what is the band’s name you ask? My Chemical Romance.

Now some people may be familiar with the band but others may not. They are a punk/emo/screamo band depending on which album of theirs you are listening to. I have to admit, I don’t love absolutely all of their songs and sometimes the melodies don’t always hook me in right away. But I always fall in love with their lyrics. The lyrics seem to follow the line of thinking of my heart. The thoughts that run through my head that I would never speak out loud come out through music. It gives me chills and it makes me happy. I truly believe that music can change your life. One song can remind you of true love, of the death of a loved one, of a life altering moment, and more. Music is what feelings sound like.

My Chemical Romance, and the lead singer Gerard Way, seems to really tap into true emotion when they pen the lyrics to their songs. I was having breakdown the other day and was feeling extremely sorry for myself when I heard their song Sing. Some of the lyrics just made me sit up and think twice about why I was wallowing in self-pity when I could be doing something productive.

Sing it out, boy they’re gonna sell what tomorrow means
Sing it out, girl before they kill what tomorrow brings
You’ve got to make a choice
If the music drowns you out
And raise your voice
Every single time they try and shut your mouth

Sing it for the boys
Sing it for the girls
Every time that you lose it sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you’re nuts
Sing it out for the ones that’ll hate your guts
Sing it for the deaf
Sing it for the blind
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world

As I listened to the lyrics, I realized that I did have to make a choice. I didn’t have to be sad. I could focus on the good things in life. Like music. I could sing (even if I can’t carry a tune in a bucket). I could make the choice to be happy, not sad. The world is hard enough. I do not have to let it make me harder and colder.

 Never Take my heart

Do me a favor. Find something that means something to you. Something to wake up for. Something to breathe for. Maybe its music, maybe its art, maybe its cars, maybe its yours kids, your spouse,  your job, but let it be something. I would love to hear what you live for. If you have lyrics or songs or music that has changed your life, then by all means, PLEASE, share it with me. Share it with the world. It could save someone’s life. I know it has saved mine.ugly world